Whole30 Round 4 Redo

Soooo, if you need an example of how poor planning can absolutely RUIN your Whole30…look no further.

I looked back at my post regarding the imminent start to my fourth round of Whole30 and I cringe because I was so determined…and halfway through I quit. That’s right. I made it halfway and was about to start the downhill coast to the finish line, but I put on the brake.

Because I wasn’t prepared and braking was the easy route. *facepalm*

Mr. Beck and I attended the Great Homeschool Convention this year as we want to start preparing to homeschool our toddlers in a year or so. Timing is iffy because Little Man is only 3.5 and is already counting to 100 (unassisted) and somewhat legibly writing his ABC’s. He knows his colors (even cyan and that it’s Momma’s favorite) and shapes (he’s so  cute when he says “parallelogram”!!) and, honestly, I see no reason to slow him down. Anyway, back to the point…

The food options during the convention were tolerable at best. Don’t even get me started about the prices. With sessions scheduled every hour of every day and long, long lines, it was virtually impossible to find time to even sit and eat. The venue didn’t want people bringing in outside food or drink (I may have broken that rule and snuck in – is it sneaking if it’s in full view? – some Starbucks from our hotel across the street), so I literally felt like my hands were tied when it came to food.

Honestly, we were so tired at the end of the day that I didn’t want to bother with finding a Whole30 approved meal for dinner. I just wanted FOOD. Good food. Food that was worth spending a small fortune to get.

At the time, I was proud of myself for not beating myself over the head about it. The quitting, that is.

That’s my typical MO and that’s what I’m struggling with now because despite my declaration that I would restart my fourth round the following Monday…then the following month (April)…then a future month (June)…I haven’t followed through.

My mentor said something to me almost a month ago that really struck me and it comes to mind now. It was about being trustworthy and went something to the effect of this: if I don’t find myself trustworthy, then how can I expect others to find me trustworthy?

You may ask, what does that have to do with all this Whole30 Round 4 business?

Well, if I’m telling my husband or my mom or a friend that I’m going to redo my Whole30 Round 4 in April and then I don’t do it…I certainly don’t come across as trustworthy. Then, if I say, “well, I didn’t do it then, but I’ll do it in June for sure”, but I don’t…well, that makes me even less trustworthy.

Ugh.

Who likes to think of themselves as untrustworthy?

I’m pretty sure absolutely no one.

When I read that post from February, especially the end, I feel shame because I was resolved at that time to be successful for my God, my family and myself (I need to get healthy for so many reasons) yet I failed and I’ve proved to be untrustworthy to those very beings and more as I have neglected to follow through with what I said I would do.

So, I feel I have two choices from here:

  1. I can wallow in guilt and self pity and fall into further bad health or
  2. I can pull myself up by my hypothetical bootstraps, choose to FINALLY make the difficult choices required to follow through, be successful and rebuild my trustworthiness

The second one is definitely what I want. But my insides cringe at the idea of giving up all those bad-for-you-but-so-yummy things I love for 30 days.

It’s so stupid when I write it out. It’s only 30 days! It goes by in a heartbeat! And, if I’m really being honest, I FEEL so much BETTER after not eating/drinking those things for 30 days. They don’t add value to my health…only my sweet-loving tastebuds and temporary pleasure.

Almost mid-May I wrote out my reasons for getting healthy again. My “why’s” if you will. As trivial as some of them may sound to others, I’m going to be vulnerable here and share them with you.

Why get healthy?

  1. my marriage
  2. my children
  3. better quality of life
  4. decreased chance of disease/heart attack/stroke
  5. better sleep
  6. no headaches
  7. more energy
  8. high self esteem
  9. confidence
  10. looking forward to shopping for myself rather than dreading it

This list is mostly prioritized in order. My marriage and being present for my children are definitely the most important, but I’m not going to lie: the sexiest and most confident I’ve ever felt when it comes to my appearance was in 2012 and it was awesome. I get that my body has borne two children since then and there are permanent changes to my body as a result, but I also believe that I can look better than I do now if I put in the work. My hypothyroidism works against me – my thyroid gland is incapable of working on its own. I learned that last year when I attempted to find a natural way of managing it and it backfired and I ended up with a TSH of 153.4. That’s no fun, people. Absolutely NO FUN. But if I can find what works (Whole30 has helped me a TON in the past), I’m confident I can get to a better place than where I am now – almost 200 lbs and absolutely ZERO self-love.

That being said, here’s what’s been going on and/or what I hope to accomplish moving forward…

I’ve been walking on the treadmill at our local rec center. Not daily or even consistently yet, though I’m trying to be more intentional about it. I’m currently at about twice a week. That’s been good and I feel like I’m making gradual progress. My first goal is to walk two miles in 30 minutes. I’m currently at 1.6ish. My second goal will be to start running again. Interval training towards a 5k.

I hope to find some food freedom in this journey. Hopefully, Melissa Hartwig’s book Food Freedom Forever will help me in reaching that goal. I’m tired of making progress on Whole30 just to lose it all between each round because I’m reverting back to horrible habits.

I want to successfully complete my fourth round of Whole30 in July. Bottom line.

So, here’s to being trustworthy and successful.

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