As each year draws to a close, I see a handful of people talking about their “word of the year” for the approaching new year. Do you do that? I never have, but I’m intrigued with the thought as it *supposedly* promotes intentionality.
I’m sitting here thinking back on 2017, pondering what my word would have been had I chosen one. Nothing. But I definitely see a theme.
It’s been a year of letting go.
God has been
forcing…no, He never forces anything. He’s been encouraging me to hold my plans with a more relaxed grip. In some cases, I’ve had to let go completely.
“Mary, just open your hands and let Me do…everything.”
Why do I fight it so much?!
My attempts at controlling my life have gotten me nowhere. Seriously. I have ended up…still end up…more frustrated and angry than I care to think about. I don’t like feeling that way, yet I still try to control everything. I still try to do everything by myself like a toddler who is starting to figure things out and wants to do it all even though the whole concept hasn’t been grasped and the chances of successful execution are slim to none.
I identify with Paul in Romans 7 when he talks about the constant battle between his flesh and his spirit.
“For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate…For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want…For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am!” (Romans 7:15,19,22-24 NASB)
Thankfully, he doesn’t stop there. He knew, without doubt, where to find freedom.
“Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25 NASB)
Why, in the face of overwhelming evidence found in the Word (Paul is just one example), do I struggle so much to fully trust God? Fully believe that He has my best interest at heart?
So, like the boy’s father in Mark 9 who asked for Jesus’ help in ridding his son of an unclean spirit, my prayer is that God would help me in my unbelief. That He would meet me where my faith fails.
There’s an Instagram account I follow that posts a lot of pretty pictures with scriptures and inspirational quotes. One of them this morning quoted Psalm 139. It’s a beautiful reminder that God is with us in everything. Every part of our lives are noticed by Him. He is involved in everything.
As I sit here and think about how wondrous His creation is…how immense and limitless….and yet He cares about every detail of my life. How can I not trust Him with all of it?
There’s a scripture in Matthew where Jesus is teaching and He points out that not a single sparrow falls without the Father knowing about it. If He cares so much about the sparrows, how much more He must care for those of us He made in His image!
All that to say, I think my prayer for this year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen is that God would make His love for me more than mere head knowledge. That I would stop believing Satan’s lies that I’ll never be good enough for God to love me. That I will find my identity, my worth in God’s love for me and not what the world thinks of me. That I will let go of my desire to control everything and find my purpose in God’s will. That I will fully trust my Creator and Father from Whom comes every good thing.
I’m finally posting this days after I started it. Because…life. Life happens. Especially with two toddlers who still want and need their momma. ❤
Happy New Year, friends. My hope is that you find redemption through faith in Jesus, if you haven’t already. There’s a stigma that Christians who aren’t perfect, who struggle, are hypocrites. I’m here to tell you that if we were perfect and never struggled, we wouldn’t realize the depth to which we need Jesus.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26 NASB)