My Biggest Fear…or one of them anyway

One of my biggest fears is that of failure…probably because I fail regularly. I guess that makes it both one of my biggest fears and an actual realized fear.

Case in point – remember my excitement and determination about Operation Workout Motivation? I got injured and have only spiraled lower in terms of health and fitness. As if that isn’t proof enough, this is the first post I’ve written on my blog in over a month.

(Insert emoji that looks like it’s about to ugly cry.)

I just can’t seem to get everything together and this frustrates me and, in a lot of cases, keeps me from even trying.

There are a million excuses I could list here…okay, maybe not a million. But a lot.

But they are just excuses.

As valid as they seem to me, I know people who are waaaaay more successful and have waaaaay more things to juggle.

So, why? Why is it so hard for me? What am I missing?

Here are some things going on right now. Things that I’m hoping will help bring this “failure wagon” to a screeching halt.

I started counseling. You know…being counseled (not counseling others). There’s only been one session due to scheduling issues – I’m a SAHM, so it’s kind of hard to schedule in the middle of the day. But I’m hopeful that it will be helpful with some things I’ve been struggling with the last…three years.

On October 20th I started Whole30. I haven’t invested money in a lot of the Whole30 approved condiments or anything, but I have completely cut out sugar, dairy, grains and legumes. I broke the rules and weighed myself (multiple times) since I started and I’ve lost about five pounds. It’s a start.

I signed up to audition for my new church’s worship team. This one is tough because there’s a little voice whispering in my ear that I’m not nearly good enough at piano or voice to be useful, yet I love to play and sing. We shall see how this goes. I signed up over a week ago and haven’t heard anything, but they also had to delay the information meeting because a lot of people were out last Sunday. We weren’t there due to illness in the family (so thankful that’s almost over!).

Our firstborn, Little Man, is turning two years old tomorrow. Whaaaaat?! How is this possible? We just celebrated his first birthday…it seems. He got his first haircut a week and a half ago and he looks so grown up it hurts. He is one handsome little dude if I do say so myself. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime Free One Day…I failed to get his birthday gifts and realized it this morning when I looked on my phone and saw the date.

Speaking of which…how is it November already?! Not that it feels like November in Texas. I’m still wearing short sleeves, t-shirts, shorts and flip flops like it’s the middle of summer.

Things coming up are:

  • Thanksgiving
  • Youngest brother’s college graduation
  • Trip to Florida to see my in-laws
  • Christmas
  • Punkin’s 10th birthday
  • Little Lady’s 1st birthday

On top of that is the ongoing process of trying to get everything unpacked and put away so our home feels like home instead of a storage unit.

Sigh.

Thanks for letting me be vulnerable.

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