Man am I looking forward to being free to post more regularly! I miss my blog! Our house is still chaotic between empty boxes waiting to be broken down, broken down boxes waiting to be sold and full boxes waiting to be unpacked. It feels like it will take forever. The whole process of buying a house, packing, moving, unpacking…it’s sanctifying.
On that note…
A friend of mine (howdy, friend!) uses the hashtag “motherhoodissanctifying” on occasion. Every time I see it I think “So true!” and, honestly, I feel thankful that I’m not the only one who falls short regularly. Being momma to two under two continues to be one of the most challenging experiences in my life. Recently, our Little Man has been throwing the worst temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. Sometimes what he wants is obvious and our answer is “no!” for whatever reason. Usually it’s for his own good, sometimes it’s just because that is the answer it has to be in that moment. Other times what he wants is a mystery. Either way the tantrum involves screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking his feet and generally making the immediate area surrounding him a very uncomfortable place to be. Scolding and/or spanking him only makes it worse. The quickest way to solve it is usually distraction or simply ignoring him. A lot of times I verbally explode and then feel heavy guilt until something happens to distract me. So, yes, motherhood is very much a sanctifying experience.
Lately, I’ve been realizing (and you may roll your eyes at this and say, “duh!”) that life in general is sanctifying.
This week alone I’ve lost my temper more times than I care to admit, have been flipped off for no reason and stood up. I don’t plan to elaborate on the first one – partly because I think it speaks for itself and partly because I’m so exhausted I can’t even remember all the details – but let me do so on the last two.
On Tuesday, the little Becks and I went to Jo-Ann to look for some fabric. En route a man got frustrated with me and flipped me off. Now, there was no apparent reason for him to be so frustrated with me. I was in the left lane, but I wasn’t going below the speed limit or anything. In fact, I was going at least five miles per hour over it because everyone else was going at least 10 miles per hour over. City people don’t seem to feel any need to obey speed limits. It’s a mystery to me and says a lot about why there are so many accidents. Anyway, I wasn’t crawling. There was a vehicle to my right that was going slower and I was waiting to get past it before moving to the right lane. The driver behind me, however, was tailgating me to a scary degree and finally decided to whip around me almost clipping the front of the Beckmobile in the process. That in itself didn’t endear the man to me as I always get anxious about the safety of my babies when there are careless drivers nearby. Once he got back in the left lane he made sure to flip me off where I could see it. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but I could hardly stop myself from crying. It was just so rude and disrespectful!
The second incident happened today. We have been attempting to sell the oven that came with our house because a) it’s brand new, never used and b) it doesn’t match our other appliances. We haven’t been using it because we figured we would get more from the buyer if it were new and unused. When I listed it, I figured it would be gone in a matter of a couple days. I was wrong. Last night, we got an offer and accepted it. We made arrangements for the buyer to pick it up today with the understanding that we would provide our address when he/she let us know that he/she was on his/her way. I also explained that the listing would stay up until our transaction was complete. At the end of the conversation I was confident we were on the same page. The agreed upon pickup time meant that Mr. Beck would have to leave his conference early and miss a keynote talk, but we knew that it would be best for him to be here rather than have a stranger come to our home when it was just the babies and me. I attempted to confirm that we were still good to go a couple hours before the arranged time – I figured if the person had changed his/her mind, he/she would let me know, so that Mr. Beck wouldn’t have to miss anything. Well, there was no response at all and, of course, we still have the stove. No explanation or anything.
Y’all…I’m struggling to forgive these two people for their disrespectful actions toward me/us. The thought crossed my mind to tell them (at least, the person in the second incident) just how horrible they were to treat me/us that way.
But then I thought that not only would that not change or help anything, but what a horrible witness to these people who most likely don’t know Jesus. I strongly believe that if they did know Him they wouldn’t treat others with so much hatefulness and disrespect. That is the only explanation that makes sense to me. I certainly hope that they are believers, but if that is the case they are not glorifying God in their actions at all and I hope they are convicted to repentance.
Dealing with those two experiences is sanctifying because it reveals my own sin – my lack of forgiveness and anger. My desire to tell them just how horrible they are is sinful. My dislike for them, as a result of their actions towards myself, is sin. My hope that the driver who flipped me off would get pulled over by a police officer for speeding is sin.
Sin that requires repentance.
My husband reminded me of something Martin Luther said…the first of his 95 theses nailed to the church door in Wittenberg…”When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said “Repent,” he intended that the entire life of believers should be repentance.”
We cannot be sanctified without repentance.
Without repentance there is no reconciliation.
I hope this is making sense. I know what I’m trying to say in my head, but I’m getting sleepy and my brain is telling me to go to bed.
Good night, friends. Here’s to more regular posts in the not-too-distant future!