Yep…I’m Still Here

Well, howdy!

If there’s anyone still reading my blog, please excuse my sudden hiatus.

It wasn’t planned.

The last post I was planning to make never felt finished. Then I though WordPress had lost it. Then life just got a little crazy.

Mr. Beck went on a mission trip to Zambia for one of his newest clients. He was gone for 12 torturous days including his travel there and back.

My last remaining grandparent passed away right before he left which meant I was without my favorite and primary supporter for the funeral. Talk about anxiety. I had tons. Add family drama to the mix and, y’all…it wasn’t my favorite weekend.

It was a mercy straight from God Himself that my babies behaved as well as they did. Seriously. I was shocked, especially by my Little Man. He actually sat still for most of it!

Then Grammy almost choked him as he drank water from a bottle at the graveside service…no worries – he’s fine!

The littles and I stayed with Grammy and Pawpaw most of the time that my love was gone. I seriously doubt I would have had any sanity left if I hadn’t had their help in the evenings.

We did have some pleasant times with some friends of mine I haven’t seen in a while. Those visits were great distractions while they lasted.

Then there were a few ugly moments – I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me that as two broken, sinful human beings we could have a couple fights via text message, separated by at least one ocean and only God knows what else. Those were not my best days. So much of those conversations are still lingering, floating in my subconscious. The devil sure knows how to put kinks in things.

If I hadn’t had to feed our Little Lady at the airport on pickup day, I probably would have knocked Mr. Beck down with a much more exuberant greeting. As it worked out, she wasn’t finished eating and I couldn’t even take a video of our sweet little guy running towards his daddy. I get tears just thinking about it. It was such a precious sight!

Within the same week that he got home, there was a major shooting in Dallas – technically, not our city, but close enough. It actually happened near my husband’s old office.

There is so much hurting right now. My heart is broken for those who lost loved ones. My heart is broken that the shooter had to be murdered to be stopped. Forgiveness and redemption are lost to him now. My heart is broken for those who witnessed it – there were children there. Children, y’all. I’m thankful that those who were injured will heal.

I’m praying that God will reach down and comfort those who are mourning and hurting. I’m praying that God will touch the hearts of those who bear such hate that they would support an act like that. We need Jesus and we need Him badly.

And now…ugh. It almost seems trivial after what I just shared. But now there’s the stress of house hunting.

Don’t get me wrong…I can hardly wait to have our own home! I know there’s more work involved. I know there’s more responsibility. But it will be our OWN HOME!

Are you aware of the ridiculous cost of renting a three bedroom apartment? And we’re not even within city limits of a big city. Technically, we’re sandwiched between two big cities, but moving on. We are paying more than a mortgage payment each month. It’s hard to be good stewards of our finances when such a huge portion of our monthly pay is going to rent. We’re looking forward to possibly cutting it in half when we find a house.

Speaking of which…we have already put in our first offer and we probably won’t get it. That’s wreaking havoc on my nerves.

Do you watch any HGTV shows like “Buying & Selling” with the Scott brothers or “Fixer Upper” with the Gaines’? I can’t get enough of Chip and Joanna! (Wish they would come north a little ways and help us out!!!) Anyway…I feel like the couples who are anxiously waiting to find out if their offer has been accepted. I feel your pain, people! It’s hard to think of anything else!! Especially since there are multiple offers and I can’t help but wonder if our personal letter and family picture will have any impact whatsoever or if they will simply go for the most money…

I wouldn’t blame them for going for the most money. Really, I wouldn’t. But I’m praying they don’t.

I’m praying they read our letter and feel the same connection we felt as soon as we walked in and realized they are believers like us.

I’m praying they read our letter and feel the excitement we felt about the house.

I’m praying they read our letter and recognize that I share a love for horses with their oldest daughter.

I’m praying they see our picture and want us to be the next owners of the home they’ve lived in and loved on for several years.

I’m also praying that God will help us to be content even if none of that happens. That He will give us the determination to let go and move on in the hunt.

That He will soften the disappointment.

Because despite every effort I’m making to consider it “not ours” in my mind and heart, my mind and heart are still set on it. They still want to start arranging our furniture there and decorating the walls and planning the raised garden beds in the back yard.

Ugh.

This is not going to be an easy process.

So, that’s a sneak peak into our world right now and why I’ve been so quiet.

I hope you’ve had a blessed Sunday.

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